Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
