a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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