And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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