Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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