Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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