I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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