Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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