I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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