God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
how do flat chested girls get laid?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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