His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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