brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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