today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
