I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
