this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
