Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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