You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
