I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
