Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize