I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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