I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize