Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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