Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
