Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
