eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
