and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
