Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
