meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
