Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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