Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am midnight drunk by noon
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
