i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
