Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
