out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
