when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
