Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
