her vagine was all disorganized.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
