I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
