I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wear drunk well.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
