ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
