just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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