all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
