i can't believe i had my finger in that
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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