youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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