there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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