OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
