I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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