if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
