I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
