Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
