Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
