RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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