he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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