if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
