my being single is dangerous.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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