dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
