Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I met the friendliest cop last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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