So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
