I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
