...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
