is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
