So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
