i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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