we have officially lost it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
