I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
