I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
