So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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