i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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