plz talk dirty to me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
