Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
