Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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