There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
