The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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