I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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