Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
